I give talks on mental illness. I stress the importance of staying balanced, taking meds, getting sleep. I'd like to think I set a good example. I'm on the road to righteousness.
1. I couldn't find my meds but knew they were in my suitcase. Decided to wait until the next day. One day isn't gonna kill me.
2. Woke up too late to take my morning meds.
3. Went out the following night, had a scotch. Stayed out late.
4. Decided I felt a bit tipsy in the high altitude of Denver. Thought it wouldn't be a good idea to take my meds again.
5. Walked around Denver while I smoked a joint.
6. Called my partner in a frenzy as I was by myself.
7. Told her I needed to hang up and call 911.
8. A ringing in my ears and my hearing went away for about 10 seconds.
9. Dropped to my knees on the sidewalk and waited.
10. Told myself, "I don't wanna go out like this."
11. Sat down in the ambulance and looked down at my shoes. Tried to convince the man asking me questions that I wasn't really like this. That I took care of myself. Tried to convince myself.
12. Sat on the edge of the hospital bed with my hands covering my face, trying to zone out the man yelling down the hallway.
13. I'm back to being me, but I'm not above this.